Famous Rivalries: Coke vs. Pepsi

The Coke vs. Pepsi rivalry (aka The Cola Wars) is one of the oldest and most publicized rivalries in the history of American business. It’s also a rivalry that’s near and dear to my heart. I prefer Coke, but I worked for Pepsi for a while, and one time I almost got fired from my job as a humor writer for comparing the taste of one of these sodas (who was an ad sponsor) to “the sweat from a hooker’s ass crack”. In my defense, I never said whether that comparison was intended to be good or bad. Some people really like hooker ass crack sweat. Here’s a brief history of the Coke vs. Pepsi rivalry, aka The Cola Wars.

Famous Rivalries: Conan vs. NBC

Conan O’Brien has been banned from television (literally) since January, but his new TBS late night show (appropriately titled “Conan”) premieres on Monday, November 8th, which means it’s time to re-open old wounds and remember exactly what happened between Conan and NBC. If TBS thought it was getting great ratings with its Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs, wait ’til they get a load of Team Coco.  Welcome back to late night television, Conan!

Famous Rivalries: Facebook vs. Everyone

If you’re heading to the theater to see the Facebook movie, The Social Network, this might be a good time to take in a quick refresher course on Mark Zuckerberg and his short but epic legal history. SPOILER ALERT: This will tell you the plot of The Social Network. ANOTHER SPOILER ALERT: That movie is based on actual events from recent history, so Life has already spoiled the movie for you.

 

Famous Rivalries: Sperm Whale vs. Giant Squid

When it comes to famous rivalries involving two gigantic, mysterious sea creatures, Sperm Whale vs. Giant Squid pretty much takes the cake. But just how much do these ancient-mariner-nightmare-makers really hate each other? Well, they’re both sea animals, so they don’t have a proven capacity for hate, but I bet if they could hate each other, they totally would.

Famous Rivalries: Leno vs. Letterman

For almost 20 years, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and The Late Show with David Letterman have been battling one another for late night ratings. You may already know that Jay and Dave don’t really like each other, but a quick look into the history of the Leno/Letterman rivalry illustrates exactly why these two titans of late night despise one another. It also provides a little insight into Jay’s habitual penchant for being a huge asshole to his fellow late night variety program hosts.

Famous Rivalries: Edison vs. Tesla

The rivalry between Edison vs. Tesla is one of the best that History has to offer because of the extreme polarity between Edison and Tesla as individuals. Edison was a cranky old man who tinkered with machines in his garage until he figured out how to provide electricity to the world. Tesla would frequently black out and have visions about crazy futuristic machines, then wake up and build a Death Ray from memory. It’s almost like Edison and Tesla were designed to be ruthless genius adversaries.

Famous Rivalries: Real Money vs. Fake Money

The battle of Real Money vs. Fake Money is just another way of saying “The History of Counterfeiting”, and counterfeiting is a concept that you’re already familiar with. Remember that scene in Goonies when they’re in the basement and Data turns on the machine and then he starts yelling, “Fitty Dalla Bew! Fitty Dalla Bew!”? Well, that was a counterfeit money press.  Slick Shoes! Pinchers of Power! Hey You Guuuuys! (featured on CelebrityNetWorth.com, the premier online destination for all things that have to do with money and rich people stuff).

featured on CelebrityNetWorth.com

Famous Rivalries: Ali vs. Frazier

The battle of Ali vs. Frazier is one of the most ruthless rivalries in Sports history, and it changed the world of professional boxing. It differed from other Sports rivalries, probably because these two gladiators were beating the living crap out of each other continuously for four years. The rivalry cut deep for both Ali and Frazier, who still talk crap about one another to this day. Do I smell a rematch?

Famous Rivalries: Lindsay Lohan vs. Sobriety

Of all the people that have a right to hate Lindsay Lohan, her enemy seems to be Sobriety, because she’s doing everything she can to keep it out of her life. Well, at least her parents are sane enough to take care of her…oh, wait…(featured on RegretfulMorning.com, the premier online destination for all things ridiculously funny).

Featured on RegretfulMorning.com

Famous Rivalries: Cheetah vs. Karabash Dog

Cheetahs are Nature’s dragsters, but despite their incredible capabilities, they’re horrifically endangered. Luckily, the innovative minds behind the Cheetah Conservation Fund have manufactured a rivalry between Cheetahs and Karabash Dogs (also called Anatolian Shepherds) that’s helping to preserve the Porsche of the animal kingdom: the majestic cheetah.